parenting – Page 3

The Importance of Routines- Guest Blog Post

December 10, 2013

So way, way back in July (or June) Nicole asked me to do a little blog for her on the importance of routines. Since I wasn’t in the routine of being a guest blogger, I came up with a few reasons why I couldn’t do it, and when all else failed, I ignored her. Now if you know anything about Nicole, you know she doesn’t do ‘ignore’. So last week I found myself in possession of yet another email requesting I get on it and get guest blogging.

So I found myself in the position of actually thinking through routines and why they are important to us. And actually that not only are they important, but a requirement for stability within a person and a home.
I think that some people baulk at the idea of a routine as they believe it will take away their freedom, their creativity and their independence. Routines will make us un-flexible, make our lives boring, creating a monotonous existence that will numb our minds and cause us to be a little like the stepford wives.

In actuality, just the opposite is true.

To begin with, most of us already have routines in our lives. We rise and go to bed roughly at the same time every day. We have a hygiene routine and a routine to nourish our bodies.
Whether we work at home or out of the home we have our routines. Another reason to establish routines is that they provide emotional safety for children (and adults too). We are all better at attempting new challenges (from children learning to tie their shoes to adults beginning a new job) when the regular routine is reliable. Generally speaking we handle change best within the framework of well-known routines, which allow us flexibility but keeps the expectations consistent. This means, “no surprises”, and that help us all to manage our thoughts and emotions, which empowers us to take control of ourselves and our environment.

Routines work in our lives from eliminating power struggles with your children to getting your children to cooperate. We all know “what comes next” and so it becomes habitual. No one feels, overpowered, disregarded or pushed around.

Daily, weekly, monthly and even yearly routines guide our lives and provide consistency, which enables us to live with harmony and security. And just so you know, I was reading the other day about artists. Even the most creative of them need to start by mastering the standards of the past and learning the rules of art composition. Only after the rules have been mastered and the artist feels safe within the structure of traditional visual artwork, can he stretch his wings and be his most creative. And so it is with us and our children. We are the very best we can be when we have a routine that helps us to know and understand the rules that keep us grounded and in control of ourselves. After that creativity, freedom and independence abound! So don’t be afraid of routines: embrace them. You’ll be glad you did!

The talented Sandra Deutsmann is local to Maple Ridge and Pitt meadows area and has been teaching Parents and Parenting classes for many years. When she’s not facilitating Parenting Programs she can be found singing, dancing or chanting overtop of crying babies and bouncing new mothers at her Parent Child Mother Goose Programs . She not only has a voice of an angel but she has a very experienced non-judgemental approach to parenting that has been desired from many parents in the community.

I caved this year- Elf on the Shelf

December 8, 2013

Over the last few years I’ve seen Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram be polluted from photos of a little red elf hiding in homes and making messes. Up until this year I was not interested in
A) cleaning up after the little thing
B) remembering to move it every night
C) telling my daughter she has to have good behaviour because the elf is watching.

As the title of this blog insinuates- I caved.

Meet Lemon- our Christmas elf.

I rethought this idea when my daughter— called out the Easter Bunny at the mall to the entire line up at barely 3 because his costume had a seam between the body and his shoes “that’s a man in a costume”, told the kid behind me at a Dora show “that is an actor on a costume ACTING” and while talking about having a princess at her 4th birthday party she said “can you get the real one, I’ve seen too many actor princesses”. I mean she comes by it naturally because her father is an actor and she has been watching comedy shows, improv and standup since she was born…. But where did her imagination go?! Have we been terrible parents because she has seen the green room at a theatre and been to a few auditions?!

Elf on the Shelf was a way for me to encourage Mia to believe in Christmas magic. It’s also a way for me to try and outsmart my 3 3/4 year old!

Part of what made me hesitant to start the elf was the book. It implies that children must be “good” or Santa won’t come. Not in this house! I mean, I’ve already bought half her presents and my daughter already has clear boundaries and expectations when it comes to behaviours. Not only in December! The threat of Santa/the Easter Bunny or anyone else coming is not part of my parenting style and little Lemon (our elf) will not change that.

We changed Lemon’s Rules to suit our family. Lemon comes in the night while we are all sleeping and has some fun, sometimes she gets into mischief (which is appropriate for elves, let’s get real), sometimes she is having fun but mostly she’s bringing Christmas magic to our home. When she returns to the North Pole in the day she tells Santa all the fun things Mia has done that day.

We made it work for our family. Lemon is now a part of our family and it brings the Christmas cheer to everyone in our home – including the adults that research and plot what to do next over a glass of Shiraz at 11pm.

Thanks to Lemon, Mia doesn’t have to sit on a “pretend/actor” Santa and tell him what she wants for Christmas because Lemon has already told the real jolly old man.

Books

August 16, 2013

I’m on holidays trying to relax, spend time with family and enjoy…. But at night I need a little birthing fix. My new obsession is my kindle app on my iPhone. It’s easy to use, I get a little birthy read in and I’m good until the next evening.

I’ve found free books on amazon. Right now I have…

“Parenting with Love and Logic” (Fay, Jim; Cline, MD, Foster)

“In search of the Perfect Birth” (McKeown, Elizabeth)

And “Birth Book” (Sarah and Steve Blight)

What books are you reading?

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Attachment Parenting by guest blogger Kristy Y

July 20, 2013

I asked Kristy to share a few things about her parenting style with a Q and A style blog post. Kristy has been a big support and a reminder of why our family chose to parent the way we are, gentle parenting, vaccines, breastfeeding and babywearing are all topics I have gone to Kristy for her point of view. Our families are entirely different– a big difference is I am a mother of 1 and Kristy is a mother of 9 and a grandmother to 1. Even though I have not met Kristy in person I feel blessed to have her in my life, she is constantly reinforcing my decisions with evidence based information and a caring heart. check out her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/LittleGreenEarthlings

attachment parenting: noun

a style of child rearing aimed at developing a strong emotional bond between the child and primary caregiver.

Would you consider yourself an attachment parent?

-Yes—— While I do consider myself an attached parent, I am also human. I am not a robot and therefore I also have emotions. I can lose my temper. I yell. I always tell my children that I am in a bad mood for whatever reason and if I am snarky with them I apologize for my behavior. We need to be good examples to our children. If we treat them how we would like to be treated, everything will be ok. Love, compassion, patience, empathy, understanding and fun make a good recipe for raising wonderful humans

What does attachment parenting mean to you?

– I am very emotionally and physically attached to my kids. I have evolved SOOOOO much as a parent over the (almost) 23 years that I have been a mother. It’s amazing the amount I have had to UN-learn! When my oldest daughter was a baby, she was born in the hospital and taken to the nursery during the night. I was told to only feed every 4 hours and supplement with formula so she would get everything she needed. As she got a bit older, in order to train her to sleep through the night I was advised to let her cry. ……. Alone…….. In her room

Sadly I did what our doctor and parents recommended and I STILL feel the guilt. It is so disturbing that we are still taught by some old school thinkers out there NOT to trust our natural animal instincts!

When I had my second child I knew that I did NOT want to do that to her. She slept in my arms from day 1. She didn’t touch a bottle in the hospital. I listened to her and responded to what she needed. She was happy and content.

With each child after, (I birthed 9 babies) I learned more and more to let go of societies expectations and to tune in to what my babies were expressing to me. THEY are my priority. It has taken a long time and I am nowhere perfect…….I am human………

Babies have feelings that matter JUST AS MUCH as adults. Children have feelings that matter JUST AS MUCH as adults. I truly believe that their feelings need to be put first and we need to respect the feelings they have whether it makes sense to us or not. If a child is frightened about something that makes no sense to us, we need to comfort that child rather than brush it off and dismiss them.

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