maple ridge – Page 2

Keeping your cool as a parent (being PROACTIVE)

June 17, 2015

When dealing with misbehaviors (either your own or your child’s) you basically have two choices on how to handle them. Reactive or proactive.

Choice number 1: reactive. Being reactive is the gut reaction that we have when we feel that a situation is spiraling out of control. That we are at the end of our rope. That we just can’t take this one more second!!! It’s screaming, yelling, making demands that may be unreasonable or certainly requested in an unreasonable way. It’s using punitive punishments like time out or taking away privileges that may or may not have anything to do with the actual circumstances. Now if your Mommy guilt is in overdrive after reading that, and you think you are going to do or say something reactive, fear not! We’ve all be there and we’ve all done it. The trick is to stop being reactive and move towards choice number 2…

Choice number 2: Being proactive is all about making a plan. Could be a mental plan, (note to self, kind of a thing) but I’ve seen parents sit down and actually write it out. It’s thinking ahead and putting knowledge into how and why we are addressing with the misbehavior.

So a simple plan might look like this:

1. figure out what the misbehavior is that you want to change. (what are the unmet needs?)

2. decide on what your end goal is. (hint: to change the misbehavior long term) **Be aware of his developmental stage and try to make sure that your expectations are appropriate for that age

3. think of ways that you can teach your child that will really mean something to him. For example, if your child is a visual learner maybe a social story or pictures will help him to really understand what your expectations are or what is socially acceptable.

4. put it into practice

5. keep doing it. be consistent. Your plan might not work right away, because let’s face it, any behavior takes a while to change. Or you might need to tweak your plan to make it more effective, but try to stay with it.

There are a lot of reasons to be proactive with your child’s misbehavior. It helps children with self regulation which is a fancy term that means; to identify, understand and appropriately meet their own needs. It helps them to draw on and cultivate their natural empathy and sympathy. And each time they navigate a situation in an suitable way and encounter success, it gives them higher self confidence and self esteem .

Interestingly enough the definition of insanity (according to Albert Einstein) is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So if being reactive is not working or only working in the short term you might want to try being proactive. One step ahead of a reoccurring situation. It takes time, it takes commitment, it takes all of your supermom powers but once the goal is reached it’s well worth the effort.

Sandra and her decades of Early Childhood experience is often seen as Nicole’s side kick in parenting classes. She has an extensive knowledge on child development, behaviours and discipline. When Sandra is not teaching she can be found knitting all the cute baby hats you doula clients find in your swag bags.

What your child is LEARNING while playing outside

May 22, 2015

Getting outside is super simple when it is summer or hot and the weather is just right. Opening the back door and letting the kids explore, make a mess, paint, run, jump, sing is all spring/summer expectation. But what are your children learning while they are outside? For me once I learned and really mindfully thought about all the skills my child was gaining, we decided playing outside was not just for warm weather. We bundle up, put on our rain gear and just have fun (and LEARN!)

I hope this post helps educate parents and adults, but also encourages you adults to take off your shoes, run though the sprinkler, jump on the trampoline or do some gardening. There is so much evidence below and everyone can grow and learn.

My child likes pink, barbies, twirly dresses and DIRT. Yup, mud pies, cakes, toes, hands feet and all in the DIRT. Many studies have shown dirt to be good for your brain? Apparently, there are types of bacteria that are naturally found in soil which activate the neurons that produce serotonin – a key chemical in many bodily functions. So really DIRT makes people happier, it’s science.

Being in nature helps stimulate the curiosity and creativity of children. Do you know what a dump truck can be used for? Spend 30 minutes and you will see how many tasks that tiny yellow truck can have.

The more we spend outside with my daughter the more I notice her compassion. She is so observant of any part of nature, plants, flowers, animals. But recently she is noticing litter. She get’s really wound up when she sees trash on the ground. She picks it up and is already a tiny environmentalist who is set on not leaving mother earth with crap all around.

Bouncing on a trampoline is more than just for gross motor it increases blood flow to the brain and heightens mental alertness.

Problem solving skills- When my daughter and I were running through this puddle repeatedly she was determining the best path, where we could safely stay dry and where to best splash zone was. She was a leader in this activity guiding me though the rain.

Do you know what happens when you are barefoot? Research indicates that electrons from the Earth have antioxidant effects that can protect your body from inflammation and its many well-documented health consequences. For most of our evolutionary history, humans have had continuous contact with the Earth. Read more here

Green outdoor settings appear to reduce ADHD symptoms in children across a wide range of individual, residential, and case characteristics Said this study.

Playing outside increases flexibility for children (and adults, this wobbly thing is tricky!)

Playing outside can can help protect children against stress, according to a new study by two Cornell University environmental psychologist. Check out the study published in Environment and Behavior.

Parents can use their time to build massive biceps, or at least have fun getting active.

Playing outside has many benefits for the eyes. Recent evidence says children who play outside are less likely to have myopia (nearsighted). Help your child by NOTICING. Point out the pine cone, stick, pretty flower and pretty soon they will be pointing them out to you.

When a child was on a swing they engage core muscles as well as muscles in the hand and arms to hold on. This teaches balance and coordination.

Bikes and scooters that requite balance teach children new skills and self confidence. A bike is something they start off with as a trike and then those skills can grow with them and their confidence also expands. Hold your breath parents because there will be some blood and tears, but they keep on getting back on and then you get to see the smile on their face when they have mastered the skill.

The language of Birth

April 21, 2015

During the training that Nicole and I attended in March, one of the most inspiring things we took away was considering the language we use when we speak about birth. As a culture, we have cultivated a respect for doctors and medical professionals for their dedication to education and experience. Along with this respect comes a natural obligation to use the language that is medically accepted, despite not being accurate or even inspiring.

Labour

Contraction

Delivery

When you think of these, they bring up visions of doctors and hospitals, amongst other things. Labour is a form of hard work, and though birthing women do tend to exert energy I wouldn’t call them “labourers”, likethey’re on a construction site. Contraction is a word that naturally makes you tense up your muscles unconsciously. When you actually think about what “contraction” means- an involuntary cringe without a set beginning or end- it makes your anticipation of it that much more brutal. Who wants to be in fear of their muscles contracting and expanding, without really knowing when it will end? Then there’s “delivery”… as if your baby will be presented to you on your doorstep wrapped in parchment and tied with string. Of course, when a doctor is the one attending your birth, they sometimes like to think that you need to be assisted through your birth with their help, not the other way around, and thus they will deliver your baby to you once they’ve saved you from your strong contractions and prevented you from labouring too hard with all of their tools.

In reality, you birth your baby. Birthing is individual and unpredictable. You feel sensations you’ve never felt before; they come in waves of varying lengths and durations, but they have a gradual flow of beginning.. to middle.. to end. It takes presence of mind to get through such a new feeling, and being afraid of what you will feel only increases the likelihood that you won’t like it. Support during these sensations can be incredibly helpful, especially from someone who understands the feeling and knows how to help you to manage the sensation yourself. When you start experiencing these sensations, you have entered into an incredible time: early birthing. Your body will continue to wave, and the waves will come sooner and last a bit longer together. These waves are the evidence that your body knows how to birth, and your baby is on their way into the world. You will then begin to actively birth, and soon reach transition, the incredible time when your body quiets down after all that sensation, and stores up some last energy before your baby is born. This is when your baby begins to help out a bit more. Your body won’t be able to control when your baby decides it is time; they push their way into the world in a way that isn’t stoppable. It’s a reflex that your baby triggers when the time has come, and then your body responds in an incredible way.

During this time, your care provider should be watching intently, but not interfering, unless it is medically necessary. A birthing mother and her baby have the rights as human beings to birth unassisted, untouched and uninterrupted. Through the entire of your birthing process, this stands true. Sometimes the opportunity will arise when medical intervention is necessary, and in these situations a care provider is a great asset to have around. But in a naturally occurring birth without induction, with a mother who is aware that what her body is doing is natural and amazing, babies tend to be born beautifully into their own mother’s arms …and they definitely aren’t wrapped in paper.

So, when you are imagining the birth you want for yourself and your baby, please consider how the language you surround yourself with affects the environment you birth in. Doctors or midwives, hospital or home, medical intervention or augmention, doulas or other birth supports- you have options to create an environment that promotes a positive birthing process,should you so choose. We encourage you to feel empowered about making decisions that will help you to rock your birth!

Happy Birthing- Erin

5 things you can do to afford a doula

April 18, 2015

Ways you can afford your doula!

1) Payment plans- Typically we get 50% of the payment when we are hired, this holds the spot in our calendar for your due date. The remaining 50% is due during the “due month”. We are able to adjust this if needed, just ask. We had a client pay $100 a month. This works for us. We are happy to chat about this and see what can work for both parties.

2) Baby shower/Blessingway- No one needs a 16th soother, more baby apparatuses or more onesies… All of this is just stuff. What the new parents need is a doula. A birth experience is a memory that women and their partners hold onto for the rest of their lives. Instead of registering somewhere, send friends/family of the new parents to our website, and we would be happy to add money to the cost of their doula investment. Heck, we could even give out coupons!

3) Compromise- There is likely something you can give up or adjust for a few months. Latte’s, movies, eating out… These things are all not cheap. Sit down and work out how much excess spending cash you do actually use a month; you would be amazed at how much you could save if you limited these! First a doula, then a jet ski, then maybe a bigger house…

4) Barter- I’ve done a little bartering from time to time. I did a free placenta encapsulation for a birth doula client after her husband spruced up my website. It was a win/win! Some ideas…

Photography
Website design
Custom furniture
Auto repair
Plumbing Services

5) Sell things- Almost all of us have some items lying around (or hidden way back in the garage) that we no longer like, use or want. Chuck them up on a bidding site or Craigslist and get some cash for those dust collectors!

Hiring a doula really isn’t a “dream” as some like to think. It’s easily achievable with a little effort, and once you look into the actual benefits of how incredible the support a doula offers can be- (check that out here) you won’t even need to think twice about ordering that next Starbucks.

“Why are doulas expensive?’

April 16, 2015

I’m often asked why a doula is “So Expensive” And I suppose if you have never broken down the pieces or really know how much time is involved maybe you would think that. Ridge Meadows Doula Services Charges $1200. Here is a breakdown of our expenses.

Consultation/Interview- we consider this free, we are willing to share as much time with you as you need to ensure you get a good idea of who we are. We explain our philosophy, the advantages of a doula, our experience, our beliefs on birth and we let you see a part of our sparkling personalities. When we are hired we give you immediate phone and email support. Some families email every day, this is great— it helps build our relationship.

Prenatal #1– This is a 2-hour commitment with 2 doulas, the birther and her partner. We learn how the pregnancy has been going, how involved your partner wants to be, we build a birth plan in detail, we talk about the ins and out of a hospital or home birth and we go through our doula bag.

Prenatal #2– This is also a 2-hour commitment with 2 doulas. We explore your hopes and fears of births and work through them individually. We go over and practice comfort measures and teach you how to use our tens machine. Then we remind you to switch gears, we talk about after baby is born… Freezer meals, guests or no guests, breastfeeding etc.

The birth– For RMDS there is no right or wrong time to call us, it is when you need us.

Sometimes we come over, tuck you in and read on your couch.

Sometimes we come over and once everyone is settled we fall asleep also.

Sometimes we hook up the tens machine and remind you of the birth you are wanting.

Sometimes we come over and we start massaging and hip squeezing right away.

Sometimes you are rocking it on your own and we remind you of it.

Sometimes we meet you at the hospital.

Sometimes we come and start setting up the birth pool right away.

When we are there we support you for as many hours as needed. We have had births in 4 hours and births in 50 hours. We don’t leave right when a baby will be born, so we plan for the long haul. When we plan we arrange childcare, throw a meal in the slow cooker, we miss soccer practices, doula night outs, birthdays with friends and families. It’s our life. Our phone is on and we go to bed early, we skip the glass of wine, we make sure our car has gas and we have our doula bag by the front door. This is the doula life. And this is part of the job.

Postpartum Visit- This visit is many things. We often talk about and celebrate the birth. We help with breastfeeding, teach you first bathing techniques if needed, let you shower while we hold baby. We don’t expect a cup of tea, heck, we will get YOU a cup of tea. We want to connect, support, and encourage you. This takes time, 2 hours-ish.

So yes, doulas are expensive, even after all the hours we are with our clients we go out and we spend our money educating ourselves by taking additional workshops and classes.

Why do we do it? Because we love it because we believe every woman deserves to have informed choice, because birth matters!

Happy Birthing, Nicole