Ridge Meadows Doula Services

Your experienced Doula Collective (Maple Ridge, Pitt Meadows and beyond!)

Miscarriage

October 15th is Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is to remember miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death.

Miscarriage can be a very isolating experience. Many people don’t share they are pregnant in fear of miscarrying. So, if you miscarry, you haven’t told anyone you are pregnant so you have little or no support. For me and many of my friends talking about this trauma was helpful.  If 15-25% in woman who conceive miscarry then why the heck are we not talking about it?

I’m writing this post to encourage woman who have miscarried to talk about it, find a friend, a sibling or  a counsellor…SOMEONE you feel you can be open with. Then share. Many woman’s experiences are downplayed as it is “common” or “gods way” or any other lists of reasons “why”. These messages are often said with a good intention of stopping the woman’s hurt. Instead it is devaluing the woman’s experience and emotions. Woman (and men) then feel they are not suppose to cry, feel disappointed, be angry or experience loss.

The second reason I’m writing this is to normalize feeling sad. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. You can’t base love on how long you have known someone. I heard from people I care about telling me  it wasn’t my time, or the baby obviously wasn’t healthy. Again, not helpful—  to me it was a loss of our baby and our dreams. I was SAD. I wanted to grieve, but didn’t think I should. For a long time I didn’t work though my miscarriage, I just went on and avoided. Men and woman don’t become parents when the baby is born, they become parents when they feel like they are attached to their pregnancy and have love for the liny human growing inside of you…. This can happen while pregnant for 4 week, 4 months or after the baby is born.

I want mothers and fathers to allow themselves to feel, then share and remember— feel whatever emotions are in you and share that with someone healthy in your life and remember

Baby Loss Awareness Day

October 15th is baby Loss Awareness Day. It’s a day that may be unheard of to many of you. For me it is a day to think, remember and grieve.

January 11th 2010 was the most amazing life changing day for me as this is the day my daughter Mia was brought earthside. Hours before in the same room I birthed in, my best friend had birthed her son. A healthy 7lbs 10oz baby boy named Colin. Sadly, he died, on the same day of his birth and the same day Mia was born. This is my story.

Leah and I both had struggles with conceiving. Nearly 2 years later I was finally pregnant, the following month Leah was pregnant. 2 best friends with their children due a month apart. This was the beginning of maternity clothes shopping, creating delicious non-alcoholic drinks, researching, reading and baby clothes shopping. Because we learned I was having a girl (Mia) and she was having a boy (Colin) naturally we planned our future with a running joke of an arranged marriage or at least our children would be best friends forever.

When I was 2 weeks late and about to be induced the following morning, I got news Leah was in the hospital in labour. I thought this was funny because I had bugged her about wishing she would birth first and tell me what it was like. We rushed to the hospital and brought her a few things, gave her a hug and went home and *tried* to sleep. Mostly I laid in bed thinking of Leah in labour and the fact that our little babes could be born on the same day.

January 11th 2010, I woke up and got ready to meet my little girl. I had moments of anxiety because I had not heard from Leah. I put it off and thought maybe she was having a long labour. We got to the hospital and I was put in the same room Leah had been in. This was odd to me because I still hadn`t heard from Leah. I put it out of my mind as I had work to do—- birth.

Mia was born in the early evening.  I was moved into another room and after we settled in, snuggled our little blessing and celebrated Mia`s birth Jonathan looked at me with wide eyes. He had heard that Colin had passed away a few hours after his birth and now he had to tell me, that my best friends baby was dead…. This was one of the hardest conversations we have had.  I wanted to see Leah, I wanted to see Colin, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hold Mia. It was a mix of emotions and I had a hard time determining what emotion was going to come out at any given moment.  Leah (the strongest woman I know) came and visited me on January 12th before we took Mia home. Even through the tears of myself and our husbands, Leah managed to look at Mia and tell her how beautiful she was and that she now has an angel watching over her.

Over the next days, weeks, months and years the mourning of my little nephew that died from doctor error became more manageable. He is a member of our family and we talk about him with Mia. She knows she has a birth mark on her knee and it we call it a kiss from Colin before he went to Heaven. We celebrate his birthday and we will never forget. Infant loss will always be hard, but parents and family member need to know that the baby is not forgotten.

For others involved—- offer a tear, a hug, love, listen, learn, cry and never forget.

10 things I miss about breastfeeding

 

To celebrate World Breastfeeding Week I thought I should blog…. But I wasn’t breastfeeding anymore?! What do I blog about? I miss breastfeeding…. Wait, I miss breastfeeding. Brilliant. It was hard for me to determine why or what parts of breastfeeding I miss because there were so many. So I compiled them into 10 points. Enjoy.

 

1) Convenience—– When your baby is hungry you want to feed them as soon as you can. With breast milk it is always there, always the right temperature. No sanitizing bottles at 3:30am, just roll over and feed. Awesome!

2) Milk Coma Smiles—– Have you ever looked down at a milk coma induced baby who is smiling at you, and not had your heart melt?! I doubt it.

3) Miracle Milk—–In our house diaper rash, pink eye, ear infection, nasal congestion, eczema and skin conditions were all healed with breast milk. ***Please remember I am not a doctor and you may want to consult with a medical professional***

4) Healthy Baby + a Happy Mama—– Mia was rarely sick. Breast feeding is known to build a strong immune systems in babies. This is because breast milk has natural antibodies that help babies develop immunity against illness and disease.

5) Educating People—– I had more conversations about birth and breastfeeding with single male friends than I would have ever thought. I educated them and my other friends as I was on my breastfeeding journey. I answered questions as to ” Why this long?” “Why is breast milk so healthy?” “How do you ever leave your baby?” and so on. We had respectful conversations and I shared the importance of breastfeeding with people that simply didn’t know.

6) Soothing baby—– If you don’t know what’s wrong 9 times out of 10 the baby wants to breastfeed. Whether they are hungry, want you close or need to soothe, the breast often works. A great piece of advice my midwife shared with me was “there are many parents bouncing a baby down the hall at 4am and what they really need is another 5 minutes on the breast”. Those words of wisdom saved me.

7) Naturally empowering—–My body can provide all the nutrients my daughter needs, as much as she needs and when she needed it. Supply and demand. A woman’s body is amazing, celebrate it ladies!

8) Saving Cash—– No bottles, no formula, no cost. Sure I spent money on a pump (that I should have rented because I didn’t need it after Mia was 6 weeks) and I bought washable breast pads for those leaky moments. Formula (low end of cost) is 0.12 cents an once., that is $1224.72 a year. (source- kellyMom) http://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-prep/bfcostbenefits/#formulacosts

9) I was more rested —–We chose to bed share in our house. Besides being attachment parents, it was convenient. When Mia woke, I rolled over and fed her. She barely woke at night, I barely woke, we were all in zombie type states and it worked for us. We did this for 2 years. At age 2 she had her own room and would walk down the hall for an early morning feeding. It was mutually agreed (my husband, myself and Mia) and it worked for us.

10) Cuddles —– Once Mia was mobile she was far too interested in exploring than cuddling. Still at 3.5, I get a few cuddles when she is hurt, but other than that she is on the move. When I was breastfeeding I got the added bonus of sneaking in the cuddle time without her knowing. She fed, I got a cuddle, we both were happy.

 

There were times when I thought I was done.  I wanted more freedom and I felt “touched-out”. This is when I knew I needed some alone time, my husband stepped in and I cared for myself. 2.5 years was a long time, but the percentage of my life I spent breastfeeding is minimal. Enjoy it while you can ladies, you won’t be breastfeeding forever.

Have you “liked” my Facebook Page? https://www.facebook.com/RidgeMeadowsDoulaServices

 

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Business cards are in!

Woohoo! my business cards are in. Now to share with friends, co-workers and the local midwifery.

I’m not in love with them but they are good for a first timer business owner. next time I’d likely make the font a bit bigger and lose the grey (hard to read). The positives are my logo rocks! Who wants one?

doula

I already have a midwife, do I need a doula?

Iv’e heard the question asked in many different ways time and time again….

 

“I have a midwife, do I need a doula”

I have a doula, do I need a midwife?”

“what is the difference between a midwife and a doula”

 

The difference is sizable, midwives and doulas have entirely different training and roles in your birth. As I explain the differences I want to be clear that both midwives and doula have many, many more examples of what they do than I will provide right now. Im hoping to make this blog post clear and simple so you the reader will know the difference.

 

Your Midwives will…

  • Run prenatal tests
  • Advise you on health during pregnancy, birth and postpartum
  • Monitor you and baby during prenatally, during labour and birth and for 6 weeks postpartum
  • Perform physical examinations prenatally, during labour and postpartum

**Please note-  Midwifes in Canada are all licensed medical Professionals.**

 

Your Birth Doula will:

  • Meet you before the birth and establish a realationship with the mom and dad
  • Help you articulate your vision for your birth (birth plan)
  • Refer you to resources in the community (for prenatal and postpartum)
  • Do their best to keep you and your partner relaxed and calm in labour
  • Use a variation of massage and grounding tequniques during labour
  • Suggest postitions for you in labour and during birth
  • Reminding hospital staff about the mothers birth plan
  • Provide postpartum emotional support and help with breastfeeding initiation.

Some Doulas (ME! ME!) are also trained as a postpartum doula. Read more about Doulas  https://ridgemeadowsdoulaservices.com/?page_id=125

 

Your Postpartum Doula will:

A Postpartum Doula

  • Offer education, companionship and nonjudgmental support after the baby is born
  • Assists with newborn care and family adjustment
  • Offers evidence-based information on infant feeding, emotional and physical recovery from birth, infant soothing and coping skills for new parents and makes appropriate referrals when necessary
  • Assist with basic household chores and meal preparation
  • Assists with breastfeeding

 

If you have any questions or concerns, contact me. I can share about what I do personally, my experience, training etc. More importantly I can see if I am the right doula for you.

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