Ridge Meadows Doula Services

Your experienced Doula Collective (Maple Ridge, Pitt Meadows and beyond!)

Miscarriage

October 15th is Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is to remember miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death.

Miscarriage can be a very isolating experience. Many people don’t share they are pregnant in fear of miscarrying. So, if you miscarry, you haven’t told anyone you are pregnant so you have little or no support. For me and many of my friends talking about this trauma was helpful.  If 15-25% in woman who conceive miscarry then why the heck are we not talking about it?

I’m writing this post to encourage woman who have miscarried to talk about it, find a friend, a sibling or  a counsellor…SOMEONE you feel you can be open with. Then share. Many woman’s experiences are downplayed as it is “common” or “gods way” or any other lists of reasons “why”. These messages are often said with a good intention of stopping the woman’s hurt. Instead it is devaluing the woman’s experience and emotions. Woman (and men) then feel they are not suppose to cry, feel disappointed, be angry or experience loss.

The second reason I’m writing this is to normalize feeling sad. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. You can’t base love on how long you have known someone. I heard from people I care about telling me  it wasn’t my time, or the baby obviously wasn’t healthy. Again, not helpful—  to me it was a loss of our baby and our dreams. I was SAD. I wanted to grieve, but didn’t think I should. For a long time I didn’t work though my miscarriage, I just went on and avoided. Men and woman don’t become parents when the baby is born, they become parents when they feel like they are attached to their pregnancy and have love for the liny human growing inside of you…. This can happen while pregnant for 4 week, 4 months or after the baby is born.

I want mothers and fathers to allow themselves to feel, then share and remember— feel whatever emotions are in you and share that with someone healthy in your life and remember

Baby Loss Awareness Day

October 15th is baby Loss Awareness Day. It’s a day that may be unheard of to many of you. For me it is a day to think, remember and grieve.

January 11th 2010 was the most amazing life changing day for me as this is the day my daughter Mia was brought earthside. Hours before in the same room I birthed in, my best friend had birthed her son. A healthy 7lbs 10oz baby boy named Colin. Sadly, he died, on the same day of his birth and the same day Mia was born. This is my story.

Leah and I both had struggles with conceiving. Nearly 2 years later I was finally pregnant, the following month Leah was pregnant. 2 best friends with their children due a month apart. This was the beginning of maternity clothes shopping, creating delicious non-alcoholic drinks, researching, reading and baby clothes shopping. Because we learned I was having a girl (Mia) and she was having a boy (Colin) naturally we planned our future with a running joke of an arranged marriage or at least our children would be best friends forever.

When I was 2 weeks late and about to be induced the following morning, I got news Leah was in the hospital in labour. I thought this was funny because I had bugged her about wishing she would birth first and tell me what it was like. We rushed to the hospital and brought her a few things, gave her a hug and went home and *tried* to sleep. Mostly I laid in bed thinking of Leah in labour and the fact that our little babes could be born on the same day.

January 11th 2010, I woke up and got ready to meet my little girl. I had moments of anxiety because I had not heard from Leah. I put it off and thought maybe she was having a long labour. We got to the hospital and I was put in the same room Leah had been in. This was odd to me because I still hadn`t heard from Leah. I put it out of my mind as I had work to do—- birth.

Mia was born in the early evening.  I was moved into another room and after we settled in, snuggled our little blessing and celebrated Mia`s birth Jonathan looked at me with wide eyes. He had heard that Colin had passed away a few hours after his birth and now he had to tell me, that my best friends baby was dead…. This was one of the hardest conversations we have had.  I wanted to see Leah, I wanted to see Colin, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hold Mia. It was a mix of emotions and I had a hard time determining what emotion was going to come out at any given moment.  Leah (the strongest woman I know) came and visited me on January 12th before we took Mia home. Even through the tears of myself and our husbands, Leah managed to look at Mia and tell her how beautiful she was and that she now has an angel watching over her.

Over the next days, weeks, months and years the mourning of my little nephew that died from doctor error became more manageable. He is a member of our family and we talk about him with Mia. She knows she has a birth mark on her knee and it we call it a kiss from Colin before he went to Heaven. We celebrate his birthday and we will never forget. Infant loss will always be hard, but parents and family member need to know that the baby is not forgotten.

For others involved—- offer a tear, a hug, love, listen, learn, cry and never forget.

10 things I miss about breastfeeding

 

To celebrate World Breastfeeding Week I thought I should blog…. But I wasn’t breastfeeding anymore?! What do I blog about? I miss breastfeeding…. Wait, I miss breastfeeding. Brilliant. It was hard for me to determine why or what parts of breastfeeding I miss because there were so many. So I compiled them into 10 points. Enjoy.

 

1) Convenience—– When your baby is hungry you want to feed them as soon as you can. With breast milk it is always there, always the right temperature. No sanitizing bottles at 3:30am, just roll over and feed. Awesome!

2) Milk Coma Smiles—– Have you ever looked down at a milk coma induced baby who is smiling at you, and not had your heart melt?! I doubt it.

3) Miracle Milk—–In our house diaper rash, pink eye, ear infection, nasal congestion, eczema and skin conditions were all healed with breast milk. ***Please remember I am not a doctor and you may want to consult with a medical professional***

4) Healthy Baby + a Happy Mama—– Mia was rarely sick. Breast feeding is known to build a strong immune systems in babies. This is because breast milk has natural antibodies that help babies develop immunity against illness and disease.

5) Educating People—– I had more conversations about birth and breastfeeding with single male friends than I would have ever thought. I educated them and my other friends as I was on my breastfeeding journey. I answered questions as to ” Why this long?” “Why is breast milk so healthy?” “How do you ever leave your baby?” and so on. We had respectful conversations and I shared the importance of breastfeeding with people that simply didn’t know.

6) Soothing baby—– If you don’t know what’s wrong 9 times out of 10 the baby wants to breastfeed. Whether they are hungry, want you close or need to soothe, the breast often works. A great piece of advice my midwife shared with me was “there are many parents bouncing a baby down the hall at 4am and what they really need is another 5 minutes on the breast”. Those words of wisdom saved me.

7) Naturally empowering—–My body can provide all the nutrients my daughter needs, as much as she needs and when she needed it. Supply and demand. A woman’s body is amazing, celebrate it ladies!

8) Saving Cash—– No bottles, no formula, no cost. Sure I spent money on a pump (that I should have rented because I didn’t need it after Mia was 6 weeks) and I bought washable breast pads for those leaky moments. Formula (low end of cost) is 0.12 cents an once., that is $1224.72 a year. (source- kellyMom) http://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-prep/bfcostbenefits/#formulacosts

9) I was more rested —–We chose to bed share in our house. Besides being attachment parents, it was convenient. When Mia woke, I rolled over and fed her. She barely woke at night, I barely woke, we were all in zombie type states and it worked for us. We did this for 2 years. At age 2 she had her own room and would walk down the hall for an early morning feeding. It was mutually agreed (my husband, myself and Mia) and it worked for us.

10) Cuddles —– Once Mia was mobile she was far too interested in exploring than cuddling. Still at 3.5, I get a few cuddles when she is hurt, but other than that she is on the move. When I was breastfeeding I got the added bonus of sneaking in the cuddle time without her knowing. She fed, I got a cuddle, we both were happy.

 

There were times when I thought I was done.  I wanted more freedom and I felt “touched-out”. This is when I knew I needed some alone time, my husband stepped in and I cared for myself. 2.5 years was a long time, but the percentage of my life I spent breastfeeding is minimal. Enjoy it while you can ladies, you won’t be breastfeeding forever.

Have you “liked” my Facebook Page? https://www.facebook.com/RidgeMeadowsDoulaServices

 

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My Birth Story

As a doula, I look back on my birth and dream of what it could have been. I know my birth experience was the way it was for many reasons. The day it happened, the time of day, the reason I had a hospital birth and not a home birth and the people I had with me were all sequenced that way on purpose.

My birth story has many chapters, but today I will keep in short. One day I am sure I will dive into the details.

My daughter was due December 30th 2009, but fitting to Mia’s personality, she took her own sweet time and was encouraged (via Pitocin) to be born on January 11th. I chose this day because the midwife I was most connected with was on call and if I was going to have a hospital birth and not a home birth, I wanted people around me I was comfortable with. Along with Sylvia I had my husband, friend Jenn and my mother-in-law.

I was induced shortly after 8am, was able to walk around a short time and then things started moving around noon. My husband was on massage duty and was applying pressure to my hips (now trained as a doula I know he was applying a double hip squeeze) as I had a contraction. My support person had just birthed her 3rd child at home 6 months prior and knew exactly what I needed before I knew it. I had a cold cloth on my face, neck and forehead between waves and sips of water and “labour aide” given to my from a straw while I rested between contractions. PS- This really is only good cold! My mother-in-law was encouraging everyone to eat and making sure all the hospital staff were doing their best work, she demanded informed choices and for me to be part of the decision making process. My body just knew what to do. I pushed when I needed to push, I rested when I needed to rest. Not once was I checked by my midwife, she encouraged me to listen to my body. At around 2pm Sylvia (my midwife) told me I was already pushing… I had no idea, I was just in the zone. This is when I asked to be checked….. being a first time birther, I was starting to get nervous about pushing, anxious to birth and excited to meet my daughter. being an experienced midwife, Sylvia was right. I was 10cm dilated and ready to push. 4 hours later I was still pushing and still on Pitocin, baby was doing ok, but I was really beat.

This is where everything happened so fast, the pitocin machine was beeping, something strange was happening and it was not giving the proper dosage and my pushing was not as effective. Suddenly there was an OBGYN in the room with team. I consented to the vacuum. A large difference from the serene home birth I had planned. Being educated on the subject I knew the fact that I was essentially strapped to the bed and already having the intervention of Induction along with pushing for 4 hours the likelihood of the vacuum, forceps or caesarean were increasing. In moments, the vacuum was on, baby was born, the cord was cut (little delayed cord clamping) and the OBGYN flew out like a flash leaving Mia with me.

Mia was on my chest, I cried, Jonathan cried,my support person cried, the Midwife had a happy smirk and my mother-in-law was doing her best not to cry. Mia was born… healthy, alert and perfect. January 11th 2010.

I had a long amount of skin to skin with Mia as well as breastfeeding initiation within the first hour… 2 key points on the crumpled up, re-wrote birth plan I really wanted.

Are there things I would have changed, sure. But I made informed choices along the way… There was no coercion or fear. I knew my body was amazing and I knew by baby was coming out of my vagina.

Business cards are in!

Woohoo! my business cards are in. Now to share with friends, co-workers and the local midwifery.

I’m not in love with them but they are good for a first timer business owner. next time I’d likely make the font a bit bigger and lose the grey (hard to read). The positives are my logo rocks! Who wants one?

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